Peter Chen

Quicksand Reimagined

xLog audio

Preface#

Hello, my friends! It's that time of year again for reflections. I wonder how everyone has been this year, what experiences you've had, and what you've gained.

From the data around me, this year some have been promoted and received raises, reaching the peak of their lives, while others unexpectedly faced layoffs and are seeking new opportunities; some have found love, while others have parted ways; some have had children, and some have passed away. It suddenly feels like every year is a slice of the contact between the wheel of time and the current plane, where everyone is at different positions on the wheel—some rising, some falling, some reaching the top, and some starting over. Each person is on their own track, quietly waiting for their own arrangements 🤔 (I looked it up, and it seems this is called a cycloid, which has some mysteries in it).

This year, I feel quite good. If I were to score last year an 85, this year I could even give it a 90. I've gained insights, awareness, growth, and achievements in many areas, exceeding my expectations!

This is also the fifth year I've written an annual summary. Looking back at previous years' summaries, I feel a lot of emotions. I'm grateful to that version of myself who was willing to write something, giving my future self a coordinate to review the past, a chance to converse with the past. It's really nice (though seeing the jokes I wrote back then feels like I've dug out a three-bedroom apartment; maybe that's the sense of nostalgia that comes with old jokes, haha).

This year marks the first year after the end of the pandemic. Unsurprisingly, I've had two close encounters with COVID-19. I must say, this virus is indeed powerful, but fortunately, its virulence has significantly decreased. I guess this time humanity has won 🤔. Still, I need to take good care of myself; it's like a universal vaccine for humanity, reminding everyone that although survival is tough, don't forget that the ticket to entry is still good health.

This year also marks the fifth year since graduation. Before graduating, I thought that after two years I'd be a senior and after five years, a veteran. I imagined that in five years, I might have become quite a big shot, haha. It's hard to imagine how strong I would be five years later... But now looking back, how has it already been five years? Why do I still know nothing? Why am I still such a newbie? (Maybe this is what happens when plans can't keep up with changes, haha).

This year, I also turned 26. I feel my mind is still growing. I successfully broke the 25-year-old curse I speculated about last year, haha. After reading last year's summary, I can still recognize my immaturity back then. If that's the case, then it's right and good 👍.

Overview#

Book and Movie Recommendations#

For the full version, see my Blog.

• Book of the Year: "The Seventh Day." Among all of Yu Hua's works, I give this book the highest score. The connection comes from a passage I stumbled upon; it's beautifully written!
  • Excerpt: "My emotional dullness is like a house with tightly closed doors and windows. Although I hear the footsteps of love passing by in front of the house, I feel they are just passing footsteps, heading towards someone else. Until one day, those footsteps stop here, and then the doorbell rings."
  • Recommendation Reason: "What can a person heading to a funeral home, who will be cremated, leave for readers after death? This time, Yu Hua tells a story more desperate than 'To Live' and more absurd than 'Brothers' with absurd brushstrokes and imagery, allowing readers to experience a coldness imprisoned in glaciers for years during the harsh winter, a severe, tugging pain, and a heart-wrenching despair after being exhausted in the vast wilderness."
• Movie of the Year: "The Wandering Earth 2"
  • It's so powerful that no explanation is needed. You can see my movie review.
• Music of the Year: "Quicksand Reimagined"
  • I never expected the abstract master David to become so popular this year. The brilliant arrangement of the song and the lyrics make it irresistible for all pop music lovers.
  • Love seems like quicksand, the longing in the heart, unwilling to let go...
• Photography of the Year: The chimney I've been watching for over two years outside my door, captured on its most beautiful day.

Achievements#

• Removed all three wisdom teeth. It took two years to make the decision to do something important but not urgent; it was really not easy, haha.
• Started cooking for myself. Growing up, the environment didn't change me, the pandemic didn't change me; instead, I finally started cooking, which is hilarious. Whatever I casually make is better than many takeouts in Beijing; I love to speak the truth.
• Achieved two years of work at one company! Thanks to the country, the company, and my boss!
• Completed a trial run of the TOEFL exam. Achieved an average score, haha.
• Expanded the Earth map. Tianjin, Sanya, and Xi'an have been added to the list 👀.

"Tianjin - Jay Chou Carnival Concert"

"Sanya"

"Xi'an - Bell Tower"

• New instrument learned: drums. Currently my favorite instrument; it's so stress-relieving. Playing for an hour feels effortless, and it's very easy to pick up. Friends who are sensitive to rhythm or like to shake their legs can give it a try, haha.

Records#

• Blog updated articles: 9

• English
  • Vocabulary learning duration: 7652 mins
  • Vocabulary record

• Exercise:

Main Text#

After organizing this year's records and putting them into Obsidian Canvas, I did a simple clustering in my mind and found that three major modules of body, mind, and spirit subtly emerged. In previous years, I summarized the year's gains through external things, from the outside in. This year, I tried to think from the inside out, to gain a different perspective.

Body#

Healthy people have many misunderstandings about life — The Philosophy of Restlessness

As someone who has always been in the lower 30% of physical health, my understanding of the body is definitely ahead of the curve. I have experienced the decline of bodily functions early on. While being plagued by various ailments is certainly not a good thing, looking at it from another angle, this might give you a chance to feel the future sensations of aging, the thoughts and experiences that normal people cannot experience.

Symptoms#

As a long-time sufferer of gastrointestinal diseases, tests show no major issues, yet I have been in a sub-healthy state. I haven't drunk room temperature water or beverages for many years, let alone cold or spicy foods. If I don't adhere to the rules, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and indigestion hit hard.

For the past three years, my gastrointestinal system has been in poor working condition, and this year it even reached a state of paralysis. The food I consumed couldn't be digested at all, and even drinking water required consideration of how much I could drink. This year, I seemed to have seen in "The Flowers Bloom in Order" that each layer of the eighteen levels of hell has its own punishment. I remember one of them is hunger and thirst but unable to eat or drink. I can't say it's somewhat similar, but I can only say it's exactly the same, 233.

After graduation, I have been searching for the cause of my illness and recovery solutions, and I gradually discovered and summarized the patterns leading to gastrointestinal issues. Finally, this year, after reading a lot of books on this topic, I found the cause and solution. So this year, my reading on WeChat Books has been focused on medical health; I can only say it was unexpected yet reasonable, 2333.

Causes and Solutions#

In recent years, my research and practice in medicine have made me realize that many things follow the most basic and simple principles: complexity leads to simplicity.

The main cause should be quite simple: leaky gut syndrome. This is a condition that most doctors in China are not familiar with, but there are many analyses and recovery cases in the West. I had heard of leaky gut before, but I thought it was a disease caused by severe external wounds. In fact, it's a microscopic leak, referring to the thinning of the intestinal mucosa, where many large molecules in food can pass through the intestinal wall into the bloodstream.

The human body is a very intelligent and mature system. Once something that shouldn't enter the bloodstream does, the immune system will attack these abnormal substances, leading to inflammation throughout the body. In my case, the symptoms are quite obvious: conjunctivitis, shoulder and neck inflammation, hot flashes, and brain fog. Meanwhile, the gastrointestinal system fears that these foods that trigger immune responses are harmful to the body and will urgently process them through diarrhea and other means.

This is a perfect temporary solution, but the problem is that it doesn't address the root issue, which is the leaky gut itself. Once this temporary solution becomes normalized, it can have a huge impact on health. There are many causes of leaky gut, and any gastrointestinal issues you can think of could lead to this problem, such as genetics, stress, diet, sleep, and environmental factors. First, diarrhea reduces the body's nutritional input efficiency, leading to malnutrition, which in turn prevents the body's recovery efficiency from exceeding the damage rate. Long-term immune responses further exacerbate the problem, increasing nutritional demands and worsening malnutrition. This is a very difficult negative cycle to handle.

The key issue is how to restore the function of the intestinal mucosa to avoid triggering immune system responses and solve the malnutrition problem. The answer in the book is a gluten-free diet + avoiding sensitive food sources (but basically saying goodbye to dining out...). Sure enough, after identifying the root problem and starting to supplement relevant nutrients and adjust my diet, most of the symptoms have alleviated. After a month of dietary adjustments, I have significantly completed the recovery process from a health score of 40 to 60. This feeling of getting younger every day is truly tear-jerking.

Insights#

This condition is actually not rare; among every thousand people, 2 or 3 may have this issue. Most people may not be severe and may have a chance to recover on their own. Conversely, many types of ailments do not have the opportunity to self-heal and may not relate to effort, which is why I can deeply empathize with the sense of helplessness when reading books by Cai Lei and Tie Sheng.

When I saw this sentence, I really wanted to say that Tie Sheng understands me. Although the process of identifying the problem took too long, it's fortunate that it has yielded results.

There is a saying that when we are born, we see various scripts of our lives and ultimately choose the best one. This often provides us with spiritual comfort.

Cherishing and being grateful for this regained health may leave a deep impression. Even in difficult situations, don't forget to strive and never fall into learned helplessness. Perhaps this is a kind of tempering, and only then do we realize that health is precious, and life is short.

Therefore, when heaven is about to confer a great responsibility on a person, it will first make his mind suffer, labor his muscles and bones, starve his body, and expose him to poverty. It will disrupt his actions, so as to stimulate his mind and temper his nature, and increase what he cannot do.

This quote from Mencius has inspired me through many unbearable moments of pain, so when I saw this phrase in the Xi'an Beilin, I immediately noted it down, sending it to myself and all my friends: so as to stimulate his mind and temper his nature, and increase what he cannot do.

Mind#

The struggles of the flesh do not hinder my spiritual growth; this year's spiritual gains surpass those of previous years 👀.

Love Well#

This year I met a girl I had been waiting for many years.

In intimate relationships, compared to familial and friendly bonds, love is often the only intimate relationship we can actively choose once we have subjective agency, and it tends to last the longest. However, love is also often the hardest intimate relationship to obtain. The author Marshall analyzed why the age of first marriage among contemporary young people is getting later, and the main reason is: more choices.

They recruited a group of college students under the guise of market research, inviting them to taste and evaluate several high-end chocolates. The students were divided into two groups: one group only needed to evaluate 6 types of chocolate, while the other group needed to evaluate 30 types. The results showed that the first group of students gave higher scores, and the number of those who gave up cash rewards to take chocolate as compensation was four times that of the second group. Why did the first group find it easier to give high scores? Professor Barry Schwartz believes that more choices actually reduce our pleasure because we worry that among the options we eliminate and give up, there might be something we like more.

However, I agree that this point may be a major reason, but it is not the fundamental reason. Teacher Luo Xiang said: Love is not only about choice but also has a destined component. I truly believe this; when you meet someone who genetically attracts you, you will find that it is indeed true.

My family and friends around me are also quite curious: as a young man, why can't you find a partner? What are you waiting for? Yes, what am I waiting for? 🤔 Maybe I'm waiting for the right person? This year I found someone, but not completely; however, I gained a lot.

Love really requires courage. Many times, the fact that two people can meet is an extraordinary event. There are so many coincidences and surprises; both people did things they wouldn't normally do. Perhaps this is fate. It's hard to imagine that I, someone who never initiates conversations, would ask someone out, haha. If you had told me this last year, I definitely wouldn't have believed it.

When discussing this topic with friends this year, I also realized that we may all need sufficient self-confidence and mental state to dare to join and attempt such challenging relationships. I strongly agree with this. My understanding, perception, and exploration of myself over the past two years have led to today's actions. So it really requires courage, regardless of whether you're facing a six-eyed flying fish or not.

Mutual efforts to solve problems. There is a sentence in "The Seven Stages of Happy Relationships" that I feel makes this book worth its weight in gold as long as you understand it:

In the process of getting along, this content provides a very good understanding and analytical thinking model for the essence of problems. In intimate relationships, as the relationship deepens, while bonds are formed, there is also a deeper understanding of each other, which may lead to more differences and the discovery of many problems. However, as long as both parties have a common goal, communication will always resolve issues.

This exercise in understanding oneself and others applies to many areas, and I share this with my friends.

You must love yourself to love others. In the development of a mutual relationship, it can be very easy to blur and lose the boundary of one's original self. As mentioned above, many times the problem itself does not lie in this 20% of the surface. If one overemphasizes their subjective agency, it may lead them into a wrong problem-solving mode.

In a mutual relationship, I feel there is a model that can particularly aptly describe the relationship between both parties, which is the binary star system.

The operation of a stable binary star system is basically periodic, with each star's orbit operating in a specific pattern, mutually attracting and maintaining each other. Once one star deviates from its orbit and gets too close to the other, due to the immense gravitational force, the operational space of both will shrink until they collide.

Therefore, understanding oneself is essential to understanding others. The premise for both parties to operate on their original orbits is to take care of oneself; this is the foundation of a healthy binary star system. If these two stars cannot form a stable binary star system, it simply means they are not suitable for each other, which has nothing to do with the characteristics of the stars themselves.

In the end, I seem to know what I have been waiting for; waiting for others seems to be waiting for myself.

Feng Tang said: "To find someone to spend a lifetime with, two people must share similar interests, be able to understand each other, and have a very low probability of being able to chat about everything happily." So, being clear-headed in the world, adjusting expectations, and following one's heart while both can live well, being oneself is already perfect.

Overall, there are so many principles, but they ultimately cannot surpass the saying: love is blind. Life is an experience; being grateful for encounters and enjoying the process may be the most important thing.

What is Money#

This year, while reading an article on the concept of long-term investment, one point left a deep impression on me. The gist is about how to preserve the value of money. The author believes that money is actually a token of productivity. For example, in 2023, if a programmer's productivity can earn 100 tokens for a day's work, then if they invest for 50 years, by 2073, if a programmer's productivity can earn 200 tokens for a day's work, to achieve the goal of preserving value, your investment result must reach 200 tokens to not incur a loss.

Thinking about money 💰 from this perspective has indeed been quite enlightening. I used to think of money as the goal, detached from the operational rules of society, believing that continuously increasing numbers equated to good investments. However, in reality, money is merely a means of exchanging productivity; the goal is still productivity, not just numbers.

Therefore, in the long run, a more effective strategy is to exchange efficient productivity for more inefficient productivity, which can also be considered an investment strategy, haha.

Now, looking back at current value-preserving methods, this year marks the second year of losses, totaling a 15% loss over two years. With 70% equity, this drawdown is already quite good. However, I must admit that this year's decline has given me a new understanding of the investment market and environment.

Last year, I thought this was the maximum drawdown for asset allocation, and indeed, I was still young, haha. As a young person, I considered my risk tolerance to be quite high; a 30% drawdown should be easy to handle. However, during this year's continuous decline, I had to admit that even this 10% drop has already touched the edge of my psychological tolerance. Indeed, when there is a bull market, one still needs to practice in real situations; it's easy to say but extremely difficult to do.

The A-share investment market, due to the characteristics of its investor structure, follows a model of three years without opening for business, and when it opens, it eats for three years. This situation inevitably exacerbates the already difficult market for making money. In the good years of 2019 and 2020, there were positive returns every year. Teacher Qi said that you need money that you won't use for 5-10 years to invest in equities. At the time, I thought this was overly conservative; since one could make money immediately, why not invest directly? It wasn't until I experienced these three years of decline that I understood the meaning of this statement. Indeed, knowledge is in the textbooks; investing is a form of tacit knowledge that requires personal experience.

Regarding the investment environment, I used to say that during an uptrend, any news is good news, and during a downtrend, everything is bad news. This year, I truly experienced what it means to have ghost stories every day, with cyclical bottoms, deteriorating industry expectations, and various institutional issues... including myself, I had several moments of doubt, wondering if this time really was different. However, upon reflection, these issues also existed in a bull market; it was just that at that time, people were unwilling to listen, and no one was willing to spread the news. Now that the market is declining, more people are beginning to care about and pay attention to these issues, which is why they are widely disseminated. This phenomenon of detaching from objective news and the ability to view objective facts is indeed a very important skill in life. 🤔

How to Work#

This year, I also had some thoughts on how to do a good job.

First, find your ecological niche. This year, while listening to Ning Xiangdong's management class, the concept of ecological niche was mentioned.

An ecological niche is a fundamental concept in ecology, referring to the position a species occupies in its ecosystem, how it utilizes environmental resources, and how its activities impact the environment. The ecological niche describes a species' ecological role and survival strategy in nature, including how it obtains food, interacts with other species, and adapts to environmental conditions.

How to find your ecological niche? Simply put, it's about finding the position in the ecosystem that suits you and where you should be. There is a saying that explains this well: Find something that you enjoy doing and find easy, but others find exhausting. Then find the place and people who buy into your abilities and keep doing it. This is something that others may find it hard to help you discover; it requires some reflection on your own characteristics.

Second, learn, consolidate, and share. In fact, very few people would say that learning is unimportant, but why learn is often hard to articulate. For technical developers, I have always had a vague illusion about providing solutions, feeling that there should be better solutions out there, but I just don't know them. When I saw this sentence, I realized, yes, that's the point.

If you design third-party authorization login without reading the OAuth2.0 RFC, you will ultimately have to reinvent a clumsy OAuth.

No one is omniscient and all-powerful; someone will always design their own clumsy OAuth in their field. So how can we avoid this clumsy feeling? That's right: through learning, consolidation, and sharing. Learning opens your eyes, consolidation helps you think about the similarities and differences between your thoughts and others', and sharing structured content allows for discussion.

Third, counteract the brain's instincts. In the work process, rationality often dominates, but sometimes the instinctual brain and emotional brain take over. At this point, it's crucial to be aware of this and force a switch in control; it's difficult but useful.

When reviewing code, the seniors often give me excellent review comments that I later find very nice. However, in the moment, it's hard to think in that mode. Most of the time, I feel: How could my code have issues? It must be that everyone didn't understand it. In this case, the instinctual brain dominates, viewing suggestions as attacks and preparing to retaliate. The corresponding reactions are fight or flight: either attacking the other party or proving that I am not at fault.

I have always considered myself a relatively rational person, so I was quite surprised when I discovered this phenomenon. This reaction even overpowers the control of the rational brain and recurs. I didn't expect that being a rational modern human would be so difficult; I need to learn.

Influencing Others#

Actually, growing up, I have never had the ability or desire to influence others. This may be related to the influence of my upbringing; I always thought it was enough to just do my own thing. Others may not need me to influence them, and I may not have the ability to influence others.

I used to feel that those who influence others are doing it for themselves. For example, the class monitor in elementary school sharing study experiences—oh, he must want to show off; or the physical education committee candidate in middle school, who surely wants to stand in the front row and look impressive. I thought this way about myself and assumed others would think the same.

I can still recall when I was in high school, during a time when we were moving things, I finished moving my stuff and just stood by watching everyone else. At that moment, a shorter guy jokingly looked at me and said, "Hey, why are you just standing there? Help out!" It was at this moment that I vaguely felt, oh, it turns out I can actively help; perhaps this is not just for myself but also for others.

Since last year, through participating in hiking, sports, rest, and learning, I have slowly discovered some of my characteristics. In fact, I am someone who enjoys influencing others. I have also gradually started to actively organize some activities and try to connect friends, transforming from an introvert to an extrovert, haha. Starting from not having any expectations to influence others is not too difficult.

Last year's experience of organizing an online reading group is a very real reflection of this. I am very grateful that friends in the group come and go, yet there are still about forty friends, and there are basically new messages every day, haha.

Initially, I just wanted to share my reading gains, thinking that friends who might like reading would need a place for mutual exchange. After running it for a while, I found that everyone has very different understandings of reading; their reading habits, stages, and types may vary greatly. So this year, I thought about how to better help everyone understand and get to know each other, organizing three offline reading meetings. With no organizational experience, facilitating discussions focused on critical thinking was actually quite challenging. Fortunately, the group members are excellent and very supportive; all the events were successfully held, and everyone gained something and got to know each other, not just as online acquaintances.

This year also marked the first time after starting work that I invited friends to celebrate my birthday. After the offline reading meeting, I invited friends out for a meal, and the film Huihui took has a great texture, winning the best photography award of the year!

After nearly two years of operating the reading group, I feel I have gained quite a lot. I now have a place to share my reading insights, and the number of books I read each year remains stable. Some friends have said that in this environment, they have cultivated or rekindled their reading habits, gaining insights and reflections through reading. (Here’s another advertisement: friends who love reading are welcome to contact me to join the online reading group, haha.)

This year, after discovering that bringing positive influence to others is truly joyful, I also organized my own gratitude ceremony, awarding friends who have had a significant impact on me this year, presenting my heartfelt wishes, hoping to pass on the positive feedback I received to everyone.

In the process of influencing others, I also deepen my understanding of myself, as a self-closed person finds it hard to influence others. I hope to explore what kind of person I want to be and continue to bring positive influence to my friends in the new year 💪.

Spirit#

As someone without religious beliefs, my understanding of spirit relies entirely on later insights. In the context of body, mind, and spirit, spirit usually refers to an individual's recognition of inner peace, life purpose, and meaning.

I am a believer in fate; I believe many things are already arranged, and we are all moving along this path at varying speeds throughout our lives. Therefore, when reading sci-fi works like "The Prophecies of Hiaohua" and "Conversations with God," I can deeply understand and empathize with many of the author's expressions.

Many friends say that acknowledging fate seems a bit too negative; if the results are the same whether one does something or not, is there still a need to act? Regarding this question, after reading a story in "The Four Teachings of Liao Fan" this year, I gained an interesting understanding.

The author once met an ethereal old man who, after being well treated, predicted his future fortunes: which year he would achieve a ranking, which year he would become a scholar, which year he would become a tribute student, which year he would become a county magistrate, and which year he would retire, even telling him he would leave this world at fifty-three. As a result, all these events came true, and thereafter, he lived a plain life without studying. One year, after he became a tribute student, he met a Zen master in a temple. The master, seeing his unusually calm demeanor, asked about the reason. Upon hearing his explanation, the master laughed heartily: "I thought you were a wise man; turns out you are just an ordinary person." Everyone's fate is shaped by their own actions, and everyone's blessings are earned through their own efforts. The results previously calculated were due to his past karma. Our attitude towards fate should be to diligently cultivate ourselves while being able to wait peacefully. In other words, it is about letting go after doing one's utmost. If one is attached to fate, why not start changing from now? Indeed, after this, the person accumulated good deeds, and the subsequent retirement and departure from this world no longer matched the old man's predictions, and he is still alive at sixty-nine today.

This story is quite simple; people might think, isn't this a story against fatalism, about how human determination can overcome destiny? However, if we think about it the other way around, what if this result was his original fate? What if this turning point was a part of his growth journey? Isn't it interesting?

I've discussed this perspective with many friends around me, and many agree with it. Regarding fate and free will, there may not be a true conclusion. Perhaps true fate lies in the exploration of the relationship between fate and free will through reflection, action, and results; this may be fate itself. Thus, fatalism does not mean giving up subjective will; rather, it is a way of thinking that fully accepts objective results while continuously exploring. I have understood this.

Summary#

So this year's summary comes to a close for now. I share the interesting thoughts and gains of this year with all of you, and I am very grateful to my friends for reading this far.

This year has been filled with vitality and hope, both for me and the broader environment. I am grateful for the support of my friends around me and for that proactive, continuously learning version of myself.

On the side of the sunken boat, a thousand sails pass by; before the sick tree, ten thousand trees bloom in spring. In 2024, I hope to become a more self-consistent and composed person.

There is a saying: A person's greatest confidence comes from the calmness that allows everything to happen. This year, I have had a glimpse into this calmness, but implementing it still has a long way to go. After all, only at seventy can one act according to their heart without overstepping boundaries, and the future is promising!